I'M THIIIIIRRRRTY!! *insert screams here*

I’ve missed you guys and I’ve definitely missed writing and telling you all my business! I’ve decided to re-introduce myself to the blogging world by discussing my current life and what I like to call….30, Single and HAPPY! The funny thing is I wasn’t so sure about the happy part, until recently.  In the months approaching my 30^th birthday, as many of you have done or will do, I started to do A LOT of thinking and soul searching. I asked myself a few questions, “Are you happy where you are in life right now?” Are there some things that you would like to change? If so, how and when do you plan on making those changes?” “Have you forgiven those individuals that hurt you in the past?” “Are you constantly working to better yourself?” Ok, so the list goes on and on but you get the picture.  After asking myself all of these questions and answering them honestly, I realized that I was at good point in my life but I have a lot of growing to do. Was I disappointed in myself for not being where I thought I would be at 30? HELL NO! I had to realize that I was planning my life based on what everyone else figured I should be doing, comparing myself to others (which is, by the way, the ABSOLUTE worst thing you can EVER do). Never compare yourself to someone nor question yourself as to why you are not at the same point in your life that they are in their life. If you want to live in depression for the rest of your life then ,by all means, be my guest and COMPARE ON! But if you want to live a peaceful and happy life just go at your own pace and live YOUR OWN life. You never know what that other individual had to do to get what they have or get to the point that they are in their life.

Now let me talk about this single and 30 situation, which seems to be a hot topic these days. Yes, I thought I would be married by now with at least one kid but I’m not and guess what?? I’m ok with that. I would rather be single than be in a dysfunctional relationship with a weirdo…not really my thing. But seriously, it might sound cliché but honestly I can do bad by myself. I don’t need any help in that department. Do people continuously ask why I’m single? Yes, of course. Have I gotten the “Awww you’ll be ok” look? Yep, plenty of times! Have I had old and dusty individuals pop up from my past trying to rekindle something? Uh, yea and to them I say “NO THANKS!” I can’t speak for everyone but for me going backwards has never yielded positive results. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t get lonely at times…I’m human. However, I’m not lonely enough to settle for some of the foolishness that comes along with having a warm body laying next to me, especially if that warm body isn’t waking up and going to a damn job and/or  hustling and grinding (legally of course) to turn their dreams into reality. WOOSAH! At 30 years young, my definition of “sexy” takes on a whole new meaning. AMBITION is sexy. DRIVE is sexy. BEING RESPONSIBLE is sexy. BEING EDUCATED is sexy. On the other hand, waking up at noon, rolling up (speaking in hood terms) and playing video games all day….eh, not so much. thumbs down  Now between the ages of 18-23 that could’ve possibly been cute to me but at this point in my life health insurance is cute to me. steps off soap box My mother recently asked me if had been praying for God to bring the right man into my life and to allow me to recognize him….and my answer to her was this “Uh, actually I haven’t but I’ll let you know when I do so you can join in” (lol) My mom and I have a very close relationship so my response to her was appropriate. Honestly, I haven’t prayed for a man because God isn’t done with me yet. He has to help me get myself together first and we’ll worry about the other stuff later. The bottom line is that if you are single and 30 or over 30 please hide the razors and put the pill bottle down. It’s not the end of the world and actually you might be happier.

So many things have changed in my life. My circle of friends has gotten smaller (THANK GOD). My bills have gotten more expensive. I’ve had to become more responsible. Basically, I'm just GROWN as hell. But most importantly my mindset has changed. There are so many things I want to accomplish in my life and life is so short. I no longer have the mindset of “I have my entire life to do that…” We have no idea how long we are here on this Earth and it’s very important that you you’re life with that in mind. Do something outside of your comfort zone. I’ve been thinking very seriously lately about moving. Leaving this city, in which I born, behind. For those people that have asked me “Why?” my response is “Why not?” As long as there are planes, trains and automobiles and I can get to my family there is no reason for me not to venture out and see what else is out there for me. Of course it’s scary, but if you live your life in fear you’re not really living. In 30 years I’ve learned so many life lessons and each year I’m alive I learn more and more about myself. So, at the 30 I am happy, I am content but I will NEVER be satisfied. I will ALWAYS strive to be better.

Until next time.

Peace

Get Married in the Name of Love?? That's Absurd....

Lately I've been hearing people say that marriage is nothing more than a business deal between two people that happen to live together and have sex every once in awhile. Hell, we might as well just have arranged marriages! Love, what is that? What does love have to do with it? The sad part about this situation is that people are still wondering why the divorce rate is so damn high...duh! Now, I'm not saying that this is the main reason. Financial problems, which can put a heavy strain on the marriage, is one of the leading causes of divorce. Some people just grow apart, simple as that. There are lots of reasons why people get divorced, but I honestly believe that when you are really in love with a person you are not so quick to just throw away everything at the drop of a hat. You will do all you can possibly do to make it work. More and more couples are going into a marriage with the idea of "well, if it doesn't work out there's always divorce!" If you are thinking this at the same time that you are planning to get married you might want to re-evaluate some things. Why go into something as sacred as marriage with negative thoughts? I just don't get it. What happened to marrying that person that you just can't imagine yourself living without? Does this still happen? Are people just settling for someone because they can't be with the person that they really want? Getting married just to say you're married but your miserable as hell...what's the point?

Often times people marry those individuals that they feel "look good on paper". That person that has the multiple degrees, a great job making great money, living that ideal "corporate life". All that is wonderful but what else do they have to offer?  Fun, free-spirited, loving and able to get along with anyone? Or the total opposite? Boring, uptight, and socially retarded? Right. I couldn't imagine marrying a person based on what they have and what they can do for me. I'm not going to say that I don't want to live a comfortable life...who wants to struggle? However, the most important thing to me is my happiness and one thing I can know for sure is material items cannot subsitute for my happiness. Forgive me for still believing in love! Call me crazy but I believe in love and the fact that is still exists. We just have to get back to that place where men and women allow themselves to fall in love. We are so guarded these days and afraid to let people get close. Let it go! I'm definitely not saying you should let your guard down for everyone, but as intelligent human beings I'm sure you can use your good judgment and figure out who deserves a chance and who doesn't. Don't be afraid to take a chance at love. True, you are risking getting hurt. That's a part of life. You live and you learn...pray, forgive and move on.

I just want more people to get married (if that's what they choose to do) because they are deeply in love not because they didn't have shit else to do and it just seemed like the right thing to do. Stop getting married to people just because you have a child together...epic fail. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic...so what! Now go kiss your husband or wife and go to bed!

Until Next Time...

My Fear....

It's been a minute since I actually made time to share my thoughts with you guys....I'm kind of nervous. So much has happened in my life since the last time I blogged...some good, some not so good. As I've said before, writing is my therapy so here goes...

I have a fear of leaving this Earth too soon. I know for a fact that there are so many things in my life that just aren't right. There are so many things I haven't done, goals I haven't accomplished, true love I have't found, true undeniable happiness I haven't felt. Then there are so many questions in my head...Have I made a difference in at least one person's life? How will people remember me? Honestly, I try my best to tell people in my life how I truly feel about them because once you're gone that's it...no coming back. People always say "tomorrow isn't promised" but why don't we live like that? Why do we put off doing things and sharing our true feelings? Simple, because we assume we have time. When someone dies, especially someone that you know or someone who's close to you in age, it sort of makes you put things in perspective. Makes you realize that life is too short to continuously put things off, but how long does the way of thinking last? A week, maybe a month? Do you really make those changes that you've vowed to make or do you go on with life just as nothing has happened?  Am I making a conscious effort to change? Of course. Is it hard for me to make certain changes? Hell yes!

This past week has been very stressful for me. I've been going through a lot and so have my friends and when my friends hurt, I hurt. I don't easily trust people and it's not easy for me to let new people in my life but once your in, your in. I will do anything for my friends and family and that's one thing that I pray that they will always remember about me. I try my best to tell my friends and my family that I love them and care about them on a regular basis...I never want them to wonder. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't always like that but one of the things that I'm working on with self is learning how to express how I feel and show my emotions. In the past I was very afraid to show my emotions because it made me feel vulnerable and I thought it made me appear weak. But I had to realize that it doesn't matter if people perceive me as being weak, as long as the close people in my life know me for the strong woman that I am, then it doesn't really matter. I know that not everyone will have these great loving happy memories of me but I try my best to leave a lasting positive impression on every person that I meet and every person that comes in my life. As my good friend would say "You want people at your funeral to remember you for more than wearing fly jeans and buying shots of Patron. Cause half the folks who got down with you will only be talking about your "potential."

Before I get all emotional, I'm going to make it quick and simple and end this post by saying this...our time on this Earth is temporary. Live each day of your life like it's your last and strive each day to be a better person. I'm not just saying this to say it...I mean it. Tell people how you truly feel while they are alive because once they are gone they can't hear the cries or the feel the emotions. Don't wait until it's too late.

Until next time.....

The Pretty Dark Skinned Chick, huh...You Can't Do Better Than That? *Side Eyes*

In the last couple of weeks I have been hearing more and more people speak on the issue of the "color complex" that is still very prevalent in the African American community. This is a topic that is very dear to my heart because I know all too well what it feels like to be singled out for being the "dark skinned girl." You see, people feel like they are doing me a favor by calling me the "pretty dark skinned girl" but they really have no idea how ignorant they sound. And I absolutely hate when people describe a person to me by saying.."she's really pretty...she's light skinned with light eyes.." Ummm since when does that equal pretty? Just asking. True story...I went out to a club a couple of weeks ago and a random young man(he was of the lighter skintone...lol)just felt it necessary to come up to me and say "you are a beautiful brown skin girl..." The crazy part about is that he wasn't even trying to talk to me...he just said that and walked off! *blank stare* I was so confused but to be honest that wasn't the first time that has happened to me. I personally think the shit is sad. Am I supposed to be flattered? Thanks but no thanks. I know we are not the only race that deals this issue...this can been seen in other cultures as well, but right now I'm talking about my personal experience within my own race.

A few years ago I a read book entitled Color Complex and it really opened my eyes to how we as a people, sometimes view each other. One particular man (described as being "very dark skinned")displayed in this book would actually date light-skin damn near white women, but he would get angry at the fact that they were lighter than him. He would actually beat these women and marvle at the different colors of the bruises on their body. Sick, huh? In the eyes of many, the lighter the skin the prettier the person which is an awful way to think. But of course we know that this goes back to slavery days where the dark skinned slaves worked in the field while the "house negroes" were more often lighter skintone. And even after that we had the "brown paper bag test". For those of you are unaware of the "brown paper bag" test was a ritual that was performed that decided whether or not you were accepted into certain fraternities and sororities. If you were darker than the paper bag you would not be accepted. Remember the movie School Daze?  The Wannabees and the Jigaboos...Intersting, huh? I know but it's real.

 Gabrielle Union did an interview with Global Grind awhile ago and she touched on her insecurities as a dark skinned black woman. She talked about being dumped in high school for the light skinned girl and feeling a sense a fear whenever a light skinned woman would walk into the room. Whew...That's deep! But that just goes to show you that no matter the amount of money a person may have they are still human and EVERYONE, whether they say it or not, has insecurities. I know I do! But I can honestly say that I embrace who I am and I have never felt inferior to anyone because they were white, red, yellow, green...well, you get the picture. Anyone that knows me knows that I think that Nia Long is gorgeous and but so is Lauren London. But that's the beauty of it...we come in so many different beautiful shades and colors...how could you not embrace them all?? Of course, people are entitled to like what they like and everyone has a different idea of what they view as being attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! My problem is the seperation of our race and the judgment that is placed based on skin color and the ignorance that goes along with that. Come on people it's 2010...really? Are we really still on this? Let's get it together and do better!

I could go on and on about the subject but I'll get off my soapbox for now!

Peace and Blessings

Until Next Time....

Gabby/Dwayne/Siohvaughn...Who's to Blame?

So what do we think about this Gabby Union/Dwayne Wade/Siohvaughn Wade fiasco? Personally, I don't know how I feel about the situation...I'm torn. Now, on one hand I fault Gabby because she knew Dwayne Wade was married when she started dealing with him. I don't care if they were in the process of getting a divorce, nothing had been finalized which means he was still legally married. So, does that make Gabby a homewrecker? Could the Wade's have maybe tried to work it out if she wasn't in the picture? Maybe, maybe not. But here's my issue...why is Siohvaughn upset with Gabby? Ok, besides the fact that she is now dating her husband...the father of her children..her childhood sweetheart..yea we understand those are the obvious reasons. But that's my point exactly! He was the one that stood before the Lord and made a vow to cherish her forever, he was the one that told her he loved her, he was the one that was in the marriage with her. She should be MAD AS HELL with her HUSBAND. Now, I'm not mad at her for suing Gabby if that's how she feels like she's going to get her revenge, but come on...50 grand? That's like pennies for Gabrielle Union so at the end of the day, after going through all of this, Gabby will still be with Dwayne and Siohvaughn...well, not so much. So basically what's the point? And what about the kids? I'm a strong believer that when there are kids involved you should try to remain as civil as possible. Your kids should be the main focus and of course getting the best divorce settlement that you can possibly get....to care of your children of course! But instead she has the babies suing their father? Really? Claiming that Gabby's acts of sexual seduction with Dwayne in front of the kids caused emotional distress. Ummm hmmm. That's all I'm going to say about that...BUT it sounds like that has their mommy's name written all over it.

I can only imagine the hurt and pain that Siohvaughn Wade is feeling right now. Just think about it...you've been with a man for most of your life and this is how it ends? You were with him when no one even knew his name. You believed in this man when no one else believed in him. Hell, her mother even allowed Dwayne to stay in her home his senior year in high school when he was having problems in his household. Now I understand that you might grow apart from someone but was that the reason for their breakup? Or was it because Dwayne got caught up in the hype of a NBA star and forgot about the person that was with him threw it all? What do you think? Definitely could've been a little bit of both. Dwayne said this in an interview that he did a few years ago... "My wife and son are invaluable to me. She inspires me, and our marriage has helped me mature and be responsible." What happened Dwayne???

The lesson for today ladies and gentleman: Never forget those that were there for you in the very beginning. Don't get caught up in the hype.

Until next time....

Twitter and Facebook 101: Don't Allow Them Ruin Your Relationship

Nikki: "So, who was that chick that wrote on your wall yesterday??"

Keith: "Girl, what are you talkin' bout? Didn't nobody post nothin' on my wall?"

Nikki: "You lyin'!! I check your page everyday! You must've erased it then!"

Keith: "Ohhhh...you talkin bout Erica! We went to high school together!"

Nikki: "There you go lyin' again! I checked her page too..she went to Hoover and your ass went to Ramsay...now how you explain that?"

Keith: "Huh?"

Nikki: "Huh my ass! Get ya sh!$ and get out!"

Now how many of you have either taken part in a conversation much like the one above or you know someone that has? Yea, that's what I thought. (lol) Ladies and gentleman STOP stalking via the internet...it's not cool. First of all, understand that some people do and say things just for the simple fact that they know you're watching. They give you exactly what you're looking for even though in reality it's really NOTHING! It amazes me how people sit on facebook and twitter all day and try to "put the pieces together" or find out who their boyfriend/girlfriend is communicating with. Why? No, really what's the purpose? More than likely you're not going to find out, you're just going to drive yourself insane. And like I said before, if they know you're stalking them they will most definitely take it to the 100th power(i.e. status updates, random tweets, wall postings, etc.) Don't become a victim to the foolishness!

 Lord knows I've checked a page or two myself...don't judge me! (lol) But you know what? When I realized what I was doing I felt like a damn idiot....I mean I seriously had to shake my head at myself. Honestly, the fact that "social networking" sites are ruining relationships is absurd. True, the internet gives people access to anything and everything but it's up to you what you share with the public. If you don't want your personal business exposed then stop putting it out there. I promise you will see a drastic change in your relationship if you stop looking for stuff and just enjoy being in your relationship. Trust me when I tell you, if your mate is doing something behind your back you don't even have to search and play detective....it will come to you. I know from first hand experience. So, I challenge you to make some changes today. If you feel tempted to check his/her twitter or facebook page....DEACTIVATE. (lol) Seriously, don't give in to the urge, it's pointless.

No need for this blog post to be long...you get the point!

Until Next Time......

*Oh, and the names used in the dialogue above were fictional!

My Heart Or My Mind?? Which One is Right??

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
-- Robert Valett

Ahh yes, that great struggle between your heart and mind...don't you love it? Ok, maybe not! If you're anything like me you try your hardest to go against your heart because you know that your mind just might be telling you the right the things to do. But is it that really the case? Of course your mind, in most cases, is going to make the logical decision but when did love become logical? Is it safe to listen to your mind over your heart when it comes to love? Are you taking a gamble by going against your heart? A lot of questions, huh? I can't help it, I'm inquisitive. But here's my opinion....I think it's hard to go against what you're heart really wants. For me, it's really difficult because while my mind is saying "Are you really going to go through with that? You're an idiot!" my heart is saying "Awww...it's ok honey!! What's a life that has never experienced love?" Yea yea yea...blah blah blah. But the hardest thing to deal with is when you listen to your heart and you end up going through that phase of regret. But should we really regret any decision that we make when it comes to love? How will we ever find love if we never put ourselves out there? Of course you're taking a risk but isn't that a part of being in love? I'm just asking! This battle between heart and mind is intense! These are all valid questions that you should ask yourself.

I struggle with putting up a front to hide what I'm truly feeling, but you have to be careful when doing this...it can get you in BIG trouble. One truism in life my friend, you can only lie to yourself for so long when the heart is involved. When you see that person and you start feeling the "butterflies in your stomach" and your heart starts beating at a rapid pace....everything that you have told yourself in your mind goes completely out the window! It almost as if at that moment your heart whispers, "Gotcha!" What to do?!! Do you forget about what you've chanted in your head a thousand times or do you go with your heart? I guess that's a decision we all have to make for ourselves. I just don't believe that there is a straightforward, right or wrong answer when it comes to love and relationships. The shit just doesn't make sense sometimes, that is the frustrating part. But the one thing I will tell you is that sometimes you have to step back and stop trying to control the situation. A very close friend of mine once told me "you can't hide from love forever.." and she was so right. You can tell yourself all day that you need to let go of a situation but until your heart catches up with your mind you can forget about it.
 
I said all that you to say this.... there will always be a battle between your heart and mind. It is totally up to you when it comes to deciding which one to follow. However, what you keep telling yourself in your mind might seem like the right thing to do, but what seems right might not always be right....remember that. When making decisions about love and relationships you have to be real with yourself first and foremost, that's the key. Don't allow your stubbornness to leave you lonely and thinking "what if.." Trust me when I tell you...that's not a good feeling. Basically, just do what makes you happy and you'll never have any regrets!

Until next time....